Monday, March 28, 2011

Just What I Needed

I wanted to see my son today. I almost didn't go because I just woke up feeling so crappy about everything and I wanted to get going early, but I know that Tony doesn't get up early. When he's working he does night shifts and I totally understand that. He still stays on the same sleep schedule when he is not working. Yes, I totally understand that. 

When I saw him on Facebook at 10 this morning I knew he was up early and so I left him a message and then headed that way. Wally didn't go with me today which is unusual. He's always with me. Today? I don't know. He just kind of made it clear that he wasn't going with me, for my sake, I think.

I was excited as I rolled on down the highway toward town with the radio blasting rock and roll. I suddenly felt good. I felt like myself. I was enjoying driving for the first time in a very long time. 

Once I got into town I got some gas. It's much cheaper there. Where I am now is much closer to the border and  the gas prices are sky high to take advantage of the Canadian tourists. 

I was pulling in front of Tony's apartment when my phone rang. Tony was wondering if we were in town yet. I told him that I was standing at his door. 

It was sooooo good to hug him, kiss him, and see his smile. He towers over me. He's growing a full beard now and surprisingly it doesn't look half bad. I only say that because of his heredity. His Dad could never grow a full beard. 

Tony is too thin.

I drove right by our favorite coffee shop and I think he was starting to wonder where we going. "I feel like I need some eggs," I told him and we pulled into THE best diner in town. Not only do we both love this place but it holds some great memories for us. 

"I can't remember the last time I came here," he said. "I think it was when you treated Wally and I to breakfast," I replied. I know it was. It was a few years back when he'd first started working. I remember because I was so pleased with him and so proud. (Plus I will never forget the look on his face when he got the bill. I know it was more than he ever imagined it would be but he sucked it right up and was gracious.) 

We sat and talked like we used to and I was happy to see him order a big meal and enjoy it. I finally got my eggs that I've been craving.

It seems like he's just sitting on pins and needles waiting to leave for his job in Alaska. He went last season so he sort of knows what to expect, but this time he has a different job position. PM prep cook. It will be a challenge. This time he will be there for the entire season. Last year he only hooked the job halfway through the season. 

For right now he is struggling as much I was three months ago. He's trying not to say much about it, the same as I was... but I see it. I know. 

We discussed Dani briefly. She changed her phone number. That means she never got my text message the day of her surgery. That will just have to be the way it is.

I started thinking about it then... when I was having troubles with Tony, Dani was fine. When I was having troubles with Dani all was cool with Tony. We could never all be on the same page at the same time. 

I knew Tony needed some warm clothes. He had bought himself a lot of new clothes when he was working but he lost them all in a fire. (long story) 

I wanted to replace at least some of it.  I took him up to our local Value Village. 

I know it was weird for him. I tried to make it less weird. How do you make it less weird? He is a grown man. I just babbled non-stop... and for some reason I was drawn to some of the weirdest colored clothes. I made some good picks too... He didn't want to get in there and look... like I said... it was all weird.

I picked out what I liked and hung them up frontways on the rack. "What do you think of that?" I asked. I think as we went he got a little more comfortable... maybe. Although I hate shopping, and I know he didn't know what to think... I hope he enjoyed it and I had a really great time in the end. 

I think we did really well, getting two really nice zippered hoodies, both were just like brand new and nice and soft. Also a few shirts, as we laughed at my choice of colors. I guess I went color blind today! 

One thing that is nice about this town is that there's some rich people,that give their excess away. The Value Village, GoodWill and Salvation Army stores can be amazing. You can find brand new, name brand items for next to nothing.  

I want to do some things for Dani too, but I suppose we will see.

I know it's strange for Tony to accept, but to me? Well, I haven't been able to get him anything in a while. I feel bad about that. I just haven't had it to give. 

I feel great now that I could help him out a bit. That's what family is all about. 

Basically, I just feel wonderful tonight. 

My soul has been healed a little bit. 

I'm ready to start my week tomorrow. It's going to be a busy week... I'll be doing 4 days of 12 hour shifts, have 2 days off, then 3 more 12 hour shifts. Yeah... ( it's another good story about how that happened... but yeah... I'll have to tell you that one later..)


  1. Thinking of you and a BIG
    Love you,

  2. *hugs Kim very, VERY bigly*