Thursday, February 10, 2011

Goal #2

Wally and I completely enjoyed ourselves at the motel where we spent Friday, Saturday and Sunday night.

It was a complete and total escape.

Myself? I walked into the room Friday night. I walked out of the room Monday morning. I did not leave that room until I had to.

Wally went down and got us their continental breakfast every morning, coffee and muffins.

Privacy... That is what it was all about... not just privacy for us as a couple... privacy from other people, privacy from the world.

I did not want to leave...

We started to discuss what to do with our day as we left the motels parking lot. The library? Should we visit Dani?

I wanted to visit Danielle but I didn't want to. I want to see her when I have something solid to tell her, a promise that I can keep. I don't want to talk to her about "maybes" and "what ifs" and "soon"...

It turned out that my income tax return came in. It came back a lot faster than I expected. It put me into a spin.

Don't get me wrong here... That is a good thing... It's a chunk of money, a small chunk of money that I'll have to be very careful with. My refunds have been disappointing the past couple of years. I have one less child to claim and getting married hurt too. It means I'm getting back a third of what I did three years ago. I think if I play it right though I can get us into a place for about three months. Then I'll just have to take it from there. I have a dependable income for the moment.

I've had to take a pause because it would be so easy to just mess everything up now. I'm at a crossroad.

After being deprived it is so tempting to splurge.

I just bit my lip.

We put 20 bucks of gas in the car and headed up north near where I work. We found a motel there that has really cheap weekly rates and got a room for one week. How cheap? It's 15 dollars more here for a week than it was at the other place in town for 3 nights.

The room is fantastic! Okay... well... keep in mind we've been sleeping in a car for a solid month except for just a couple of days...  so... a closet would be a step up.

It's large. There are two king sized beds, a small table with comfy chairs, a dresser with a TV on it, a kitchen area with a funky sink, a cabinet, mini fridge and a microwave... and the bathroom... This will sound odd, but the bathroom has inspired me.

The bathroom brings back memories for me of other times and different places I've been in my life. I have all of that swirling around in my head. I haven't written it down yet but I am going to. It is something worth saying.

Most people would probably say that this place is a dump, but it's clean and it's comfortable for us. The TV seems to be possessed though. It turns itself on.

We went to bed, turned the TV off, and a few minutes later it popped on. Wally turned it off. We dozed. The TV came on again and woke us up. This continued to happen. We were in fits of giggles in between trying to figure out how to prevent the stupid TV from having a mind of it's own. We were tired and getting silly. I had to work the next morning. Our solution ended up being sleeping with the TV left on.

The next night we unplugged the TV.... DUH!... Why didn't we think about that before?

I did my three days worth of 12 hours shifts coming "home" to this room, getting a shower, eating a hot meal, sleeping in my lovers arms, knowing that this is for this week, but what about later?

The income tax money sits in my savings account. My goal is to get us into a home and get my daughter back with us. I want more time with my daughter.

Work has been... work. It's industrial. It's food production. It's assembly line mind numbing body exhausting work. It does give me a lot of time to think though.

Being inspired by the bathroom here my mind has been clicking. One thing leads to another you know. One thought leads to another. I'm writing in my head again. It's been a long time since that has happened. The creative juices are flowing.

I've been threatening to write a book for several years now. I did start on it and got 9 chapters into it but I wasn't happy with the way I started it out. What I have is hundreds of puzzle pieces that I put together in the wrong way. You cannot see the picture. Today at work I was thinking about it and I believe I've figured out how to put this puzzle together.. how to put his book together...

I honestly believe in Fate. I've aspired towards this for a very long time. It just wans't going to happen. I needed to be here in this space and time to have the idea that came to me. It could not have occured to me before going through what I have been through... timing is everything.

I'm just thinking out loud now. The book will come eventually.

My next goal is a home and welcoming my daughter back into it.

1 comment:

  1. Kim, I realize that good wishes and hopes from a friend aren't much in a practical sense, but they represent healing energy, and I believe with all I understand of belief that such energy may have an impact upon reality.

    Spring is fast approaching; it will be warmer outdoors, and the world will open its arms to you and Wally. The hours of daylight will increase, giving you a little boost physically and emotionally, and time spent outdoors in the sunshine and fresh air will have a vitalizing effect on both of you.

    The fact that you're considering writing is a wonderful thing, and shows forward-thinking, working toward making a dream come true, and a sense of optimism.

    The winter has been rough on you, but you've done the best you can with so little and survived--there's a fighter in you!

    I am proud of you for making it this far!

    Please, keep hope and faith in your heart that life will favor you again soon, and please know that, when it's hard for you to keep hope alive inside you, I'll be here keeping the fire of hope burning bright on your behalf.

    You are a remarkable woman. Never forget that.