Thursday, January 20, 2011

Best Laid Plans

I've always been the kind of person that tries to make plans, set goals, follow through with things, and generally be organized. 

For the past few years I've found all that to be impossible for me and it causes me hair-pulling aggravation.

Why the heck is it SO hard to plan something and actually see it come to be?... a start, a mid-point, and a finish.

It is worse now than ever since I am mobile. Start. Back up. Reverse that. Start over. Erase that. Change direction. Dead end. Start over... 

It was a busy week. I worked Wednesday (12hrs), Friday(12hrs), Saturday night (catering) Sunday(12hrs).. I had plans Monday to work on my taxes and go donate plasma, then I was called in to work... Stop everything. Go to work. 

I hit a bump with my taxes. I'm trying to e-file. It will not accept Wally's "Tax Identification Number". I paid a lot of money last year to GET the damned thing and now it won't work? It is supposed to be a permanent number, until he gets his Social Security Number. Because of Wally's status I cannot even qualify for the Earned Income Credit anymore. Argh! 

Work Monday was interesting. I seem to be starting to fit in at the cereal plant. They seem to like me. Everybody seems to know my name now, which surprises me. Is it what it seems?

I was approached by one of the Triangle operators and asked if I'd be interested in becoming an operator. He wants to try to get me hired in there. I was outwardly acting thrilled. Inside, I'm too afraid to hope for anything.

Then I was approached by my new friend there and asked if I'd be interested in a "scheduled temp" position on the barline. That just means that I work the same shifts and do the same jobs as the regular employees for the temps pay. (2 dollars less per hour) The good part is that it's full-time work and pretty much guaranteed unless I screw it up. 

Okay... so, now I have two possible maybes... and I'm stumped as to what to do... If I go to Blob-Employ expressing interest in both of these positions all I'm gonna get is a big fat possible nothing... probably... and no more work at all... maybe... 

Tuesday morning I was exhausted. I wanted to get cleaned up. I wanted to go see Danielle. I planned to go donate plasma since I didn't make it the previous day. I wanted to make some calls and figure out how I can finish my taxes. 

We went to "Soups On" to eat... We got there too late to get showers or do laundry. Then we headed out to see Danielle. 

Dani and I stood out front of the home she's living in as she told me that she wanted Kay to be her permanent guardian... temporarily... sort of... you know... she wants Kay to be her permanent guardian.

I stood there feeling as though I'd been kicked in the chest. 


I asked her to take some more time to think it over, and that I needed some time to think it over too. In the end if we both believe that it would be in her best interest... then... I'll make sure that Kay gets some kind of support payments to help her out. 

My stomach instantly soured... The bitterness that I'm feeling is rotting me from the inside out. I can feel myself decaying... 

Wally came up, "You want to hang out for a while?"

"No," I said, "I want to go right now,"

We said our goodbye's, see ya later, hugged and kissed and I went to get in the car. 

"I don't want to go donate plasma today. I'm not up to it," I told Wally. "Then why did you make the appointment?" he chuckled. 

I was silent... 

Because I always make plans...


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. The work situation seems to be a little more hopeful, Kim, but I'm so sorry about Dani's request. I can imagine how that might feel, but I know it would not be even close to the pain you feel now.

    I hope you decide to continue the temporary guardianship until spring--things will surely get better by then. That permanent guardianship gives me a bit of a chill...

    I know. It's your and Dani's decision.

    My heart is breaking for you.

    Hang in there, and know that a friend is thinking of you and sending love and hope.

    Especially hope.